Once again I really have no idea what to write about, but I just have this strong urge to write...so I just hope that something worthwhile comes out of this.
There are so many thoughts running through my head. It is a jumble of words, pictures, phrases, music, light and darkness. I reach for something inside there, and end up with something I did not expect at all.
Fear I feel is huge right now. I feel it slowly winding its grasp around me like a boa constrictor...and I have to figure out how to loosen its grip and avoid it altogether. I have to find a way to defend myself.
When I close my eyes...it is all so very dark today. I don't know why today feels darker than the others...but it does. Today when I close my eyes, I see no hope, no joy, no end to this bitterness and pain. I hope that changes tomorrow.
When I close my eyes, it gets so loud inside my head....like all the thoughts, feelings, lack of feelings and everything else are all trying to get out at the same exact moment. It's like my brain and soul are both tired of living within me and are trying to take a holiday.
When I close my eyes...I can feel the silence somewhere...I can't hear it...but I can feel it. And sometimes it is comforting. But the silence then starts to point me to the holes of things I miss...the holes that fill my life right now. The holes that drain my life right now.
When I close my eyes....I want to feel joy. I want to see a smiling face. I want to see love...I want to feel caring and trust. I want to be trusted.
When I close my eyes....I know exactly what I want to see. So for today....I will make it so...I will imagine what I need every time I close my eyes...I will see what I need to see today...for a brighter tomorrow.
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