Uncertainty and the Unknown...

People keep asking me what I am going to do...how things are going to change. And the answer is...I don't know. I have no idea. This is not something that I have done before...I have not yet walked this road. I don't know which path leads where...but I don't care. Though I am uncertain about the future, and slightly apprehensive about the unknown, I am still absolutely ready to face whatever tomorrow brings.

I am OK. Really, seriously. Everyone who keeps asking--thank you. But don't worry...I am not broken beyond repair. I am not some delicate flower that has been trampled...you do not need to tiptoe around the subject...it's OK. Life happens.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I have no idea how anything is going to turn out...but that is fine with me. I will roll with the punches, and I will have a damn good time doing it.

Laugh out loud...

I did laugh out loud today...quite a bit. But it took me laughing at myself to really lighten my mood...I was greatly amused at my inability to cook. All I was attempting was an omelet...easy, right? Apparently not for me. I ended up with some form of egg pizza, with rice cheese and peppers. I started laughing as soon as I tried to fold the thing in half, and there was just no way. I was just so amused that something as simple as an omelet was beyond me!

But as I laughed, I felt joy. I might have failed--but the point is I tried. And in the end, it was delicious. Maybe not what I had intended or hoped for, but it was still what I needed.

Who knows what else I will fail at? My guess is a lot...but that's OK. I am still going to try. And in the end, even if I don't end up where I thought I would...at least I know I will have tried. That's half the fun, right?

Gravity like a lunar landing...

It's unreal, in a way The way that life changes in an instant. How things all of a sudden happen....and then you are back at square one.

Sometimes, and in some ways, you are fine with being back at square one. At times it is even welcomed. Because that means you get to try again...or just try something completely different.

But love remains the same...oddly enough. It doesn't just disappear...it is still there. Amongst the pain, it still exists. Not in quite the same capacity...but it is indeed there. And it always will be.

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same....

Realist

Last time I was an optimist...but today I think I am a realist. I feel that the optimism was short-lived, and the reality of life and certain events is starting to settle in.

Realistically, love is not a fairy tale. Love does not always conquer all. Love does not always last forever. But that does not make it any less valuable. It does not mean that it never should have been cultivated in the first place.

Looking back on love...is hopefully endearing. Hopefully it brings at least some warm feeling to your soul. But not every moment of love is perfect...realistically. It's the time when love becomes drowned by mistrust, fear and betrayal that you know it's over. When love has become more a figment of your imagination that you cling to than a reality...then you know it's over.

I am reminded of the movie "Ever After." Forgive me for the reference, but it makes the point. "A life without love is not worth living." "But love without trust, what of that?" I do not see how a love without trust can work for me.

Love is difficult. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. It is not always the beautiful story from the silver screen. Sometimes it is messy, dangerous and extremely hurtful. To some, love is not the mushy romantic scheme from the movie screen. To some it's not a word meant to be tossed around lightly, not something to be toyed with. To some, love is knowing that when you need to fall, someone will be there to catch you, not bring you roses to the hospital bed.

Realistically, life is never perfect...but then again, neither am I. And I am OK with that. Perfection is a lot to live up to, and I would rather live dangerously and thrive than be quiet and just survive.