Fear of Success...

I have been pondering some stuff lately...mostly just some of my habits that I have fallen into.

I have a tendency to procrastinate...in case you haven't noticed. I am great at starting projects, but then I sometimes start to slack on continuing them...and so I decided to try to figure out why this had become a pattern for me.

I started by thinking if I did this because I was afraid of failing. It kind of made sense, because if I didn't really start anything, I wouldn't be responsible for finishing it. You can't fail if you don't try, right?

But that didn't completely add up to me. I am always ready to start something. If you asked me to assemble a car tomorrow, I would try it. I will try anything once...sometimes even more than once just to make sure.

So, I pondered what the flip side of that coin might be...and of course came to a fear of success, which I have been pondering over the last few days.

I think that I have become comfortable...I enjoy having free time to spend with Ryan, time to write, time to breathe and think. I have come to enjoy spending time with friends, having time to call and chat, and having a social life.

I think that my fear of success stems from a fear of losing all of that free time. If I become successful, will I be to busy for all of that? Will work once again consume my life? Will I lose all of the ground I have gained?

I am not sure. But I am going to try it anyway. I am going to work my hardest to be as successful as possible...as long as I still have the time I need for me...and the time for all I want and need.