I am afraid to lose...

I realized...that so much of what I do (and don't do) is simply because I am afraid to lose or miss out.

I find myself getting stuck in situations that I don't know how to get out of, because I am afraid of losing. I don't want to lose friends, or the possibility of a relationship, or the trust of a friend, or a variety of things...so I am afraid to walk away from anything...I am afraid to let go.

You may wonder where this came from...well, I just got caught up on Glee...and the most recent episode "Bad Reputation" is what made me realize all of this. (Yes, I totally just linked it. Booyah.)

I don't want to hurt anyone....but I am not always sure of what I want. I try to be clear and honest, but I am not always sure that I am clear, or that I am heard.

It doesn't help that they were all singing 80's songs (my no-so-secret favorites)...including Total Eclipse of the Heart. (The original music video is so crazy!!!) I'm not going to post the lyrics, I'll save that for another post...

I already knew this about myself. I ignored it for so long, and I don't know how to change. I know it is one of the reasons I have been so hesitant about searching for and committing to any sort of dating relationship.

There is so much more to be said here, but I will save it for another time. I need to get back to work. ;-)