Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Now That I'm Free...

Paloma
by Carbon Leaf

Chase the high ground--where you'd rather be,
Where you might be found.
Face all aglow, to leave from here,
To pack up and go.
But it takes some time to get away,
And you will have to build from remains.
To run it takes the courage of a lamb,
To love, the fierceness of a storm.

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder,
Everyone's staring but no one is caring for you now.
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze,
Just take the leap...and you're free.


Chase the higher ground--where you'd rather be,
Where you might be found.
This move may erase the troubles in your head,
Or expose the absence of your soul.
And so, it takes some time to get away,
You will have to tear down what remains.
And I can't stand by for good byes,
So hold on to me, or lead the way.

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder,
Everyone's staring, but no one is caring for you now.
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze,
Just take the leap....and you're free.

Pace yourself when outrunning fear,
Take cover when it's dark,
And keep an even keel.
In your world you're only a phone away,
But in my world you're too far to feel.
And it may take some time to learn what's real,
You may have to beg and borrow,
And you will surely steal.
Remember all those lonely sessions
Turned into yesterday's lessons
To never forget love, to never forget love.

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder,
Everyone's staring, but no one is caring for you now.
Just spread your wings, latch onto the breeze,
Just take the leap...and you're free.

Paloma you wonder if you'll miss the thunder
Everyone's staring but no one is caring for...
Paloma you cry out, you beg for connection,
The dreams you seek are straight ahead in every direction...
Now you're free.
Now that you're, you're free.
Now that you're, you're free.
You're free.

Today I watched the greatest thing of all,
A flock of birds, preparing for the fall.

_____________________________________

I have listened to this song a lot over the past couple months as I prepared for my departure...so much of it has been running through my head.

I have been so excited to leave this place, to leave here. I knew I would have to build from scratch...but then I realized I was running away...and I needed to stand and face what was here for me.

I have been wanting to spread my wings...to fly....to be as fierce as a storm...to be free.

I thought that moving would make everything better--that it would erase all of my troubles. But once again I realized if I ran away, it would expose even more fear and doubt. I had to tear down all that was left, just so I could build new...but it was worth it.

I forgot about love. I was so drenched in the loneliness that I had come to know as my home, that I forgot to learn from lost love and move on. For some time, I dwelt in the fear--where I was comfortable. I felt eons away from everyone...and I know I pushed everyone away. But I needed time, and thankfully--that is what I got.

Then I opened my eyes, and my heart. And I realized that everything I wanted was right here. All of my dreams are waiting for me--all I have to do is run towards them, spread my wings, take the leap...

Today, is a pensive day. As it should be, I suppose. Today is the 4 year anniversary of my wedding day. Last year I was fortunate enough to spend the day surfing. Today I have spent the day with my children, cuddling and cooing. Tonight, I will celebrate by getting a tattoo of my own design. I am excited to have a permanent mark which will continually remind me of the many blessings in my life.

And although today could be a depressing day, I choose to continue to remember that I am
no longer bound by hate, depression, doubt and fear. I will ride on the wings of hope and love....and wil continue to trust that they will get me to where I need to go.

I will spend today in smiles and laughter--today is a celebration....of what was, what is, and what is yet to come.


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