....sadness.
....broken expectations.
....my own failures.
I talked with a good friend today, we had been playing phone tag for about a week, and I thought that maybe he had been avoiding me...and I was right.
I am reminded of my failures....I let him down in so many ways, and I didn't trust our friendship--which I should have.
I used to push everyone away. Everyone, all the time. When the going got tough--I got going. Alone. So for me to have pushed people away this time is only a surprise because I have been doing so well at reaching out lately...I have been doing so well at letting people help me...letting them in.
But for some reason....the past few weeks, all I feel like doing is pushing away....and running away. I feel like hiding again, keeping everything tupperwared up...
Is this because I am moving soon? Is it because I don't know how to handle having to say goodbye to everything and everyone? Is this because I am afraid I will make the wrong decision? Is this because I am afraid to get hurt again? Is it because I am afraid to hurt someone again?
Or is it just really the way I am....is this just the way I am meant to be?
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