Shattered

Shattered by O.A.R.

In a way need a change
From this burnout scene.
Another time,
Another town,
Another everything.
But it's always back to you.

Stumbled out in the night,
In the pouring rain.
Made the block,
Sat and thought,
There's more I need.
It's always back to you.

But I'm good without you,
Yeah, I'm good without you,
Yeah, yeah, yeah.....

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after.
I always turn the car around.
Give me a break let me make my own pattern.
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered.
I always turn the car around.

Had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long.
Took it out on the street
While the rain still falls.
Push me back to you.

But I'm good without you,
Yeah I'm good without you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah....

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after.
I always turn the car around.
Give me a break let me make my own pattern.
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered.
I always turn the car around.

Oh....
Give it up,
Give it up, baby.
Give it up,
Give it up, now.
Now...

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line, can't define what I'm after,
I always turn the car around.
All that I feel is the realness I'm fakin'.
Taking my time, but it's time that I'm wasting.
Always turn the car around.

How many times can I break 'til I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after.
I always turn the car around.

Don't wanna turn that car around.
I gotta turn this thing around.
_________________________________________________________________

I have had this song on repeat for more than two hours now....almost 3 hours. I get into modes where I will feel a song, and won't be able to turn it off for hours and hours. Tonight was a "Shattered" night.

I do need a change from this scene...another time, another town for sure--another everything. I know there is more I need....it took me a long time to realize it, but there is more I need in my life. But my thoughts always drift back....but I am better without...

I do wonder how many times I can break until I am shattered. I can't define what I am after...and I always used to go back to what I knew because it was safe. I just need time to make my own pattern, to discover what I am really after. In time I know there will be more times I feel shattered--it's only a matter of time...

I had no idea that the night would be so long...oh so long. Some days I still feel stuck in the midst of the night...trapped by the darkness instead of being set free by the stars. Other days I remember the open sky....and that it is all mine now.

All I used to feel was that realness I was faking. That facade....the show for all to see, while hidden inside was the dying me. I took me time trying to figure it out...and some of the time was wasted. But at least I finally figured it out...

I have been shattered. I know what that feels like. I know what it's like to keep going back, to keep hoping that something will change....that somehow it will all be ok. And then realize that there is no way. That there has to be a change....another time, another town....another life.

It doesn't always have to go back to you. I didn't turn the car around this time. I am finding my change. I am finding my way through this dark night...and finding plenty of bright days and peaceful nights.

I am finding another me. A much happier, more fulfilled me.