6 weeks+

I have not had a job for a little more than the past 6 weeks. I have not had such a long break in between work since.....well....probably since I was 15 or so.

I honestly thought that not working for so long would drive me absolutely crazy. And sometimes it did.

Last year I started this journey...when I injured my wrist and couldn't work, I had to start to figure out who I was outside of my job. It was a very difficult and trying time, because so much of my identity is tied up in what I do...that not being able to do what I do mean I couldn't be who I was. So I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I was without my work. But that time was just the beginning...

The past 6 months have held a lot of soul searching for me. I have tried to really discover who I am, and who I will be. To have the summer end with my trips to AZ and CA and 6 weeks without work has really been helpful in this journey.

The time away from home gave me time to think...to see myself as separate from everything that I usually tie myself to. I was alone....all alone. There was just me--just who I am. Not me tied up in everything I can do. Reminds me of the phrase "We are human beings not human doings." Which is very true of course--not always as easy to do as it is to say.

So tomorrow, I start back at work. Last first day here....where I will go from here who knows. But once again I will get tied up in what I do and what I can do. Somehow, I think that this year is going to be really different from the past...there will be a much more pronounced separation of work and life....

Once again, my life is going to take priority. Work is work....and I love what I do--but it is not who I am....it is not what encompasses my entire being.

Last first day. Bittersweet and scary.