I am sick and tired...of not being able to sleep. I am tired of night after night....being the last one standing as it were....
I realized today that being asleep is one sure-fire way for me to not feel lonely...and these long days...the long hours--it's just so long to go without a break....from the loneliness, the endless thoughts...unsolicited feelings....unrelenting memories of heartaches past and hopelessness...
It's not always so bad. Some nights it is fine, because I am so wrapped up in work that I don't have time to think about anything else. But tonight...it's all on my mind.
I am tired of all the love songs....of all the empty words and broken promises. I am tired of being the one singing out...only to have my own echo be the only response. I am tired of the movies that promise amazing love stories filled with fairy dust and magic....
How am I supposed to learn to trust again when the one person I trusted most in the world hurt me more than anyone else ever has? How am I supposed to learn to love again when the love I put all my faith in left me battered, bruised, broken...and alone?
How can I keep having faith and hope in love when day after day I feel the heartache of loneliness, and the letdown of disappointment? How can I believe that love is still out there when every time I reach out, every time I take a leap of faith--I end up foolishly falling, only to have to pick myself up to try again.
I am tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of not sleeping. Tired of this hopelessness.
I know it will pass. But for right now, I'm just tired of it.
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