What Was Lost for What Was Gained

That ornament...
On the Christmas tree,
The sparkly clown,
It reminded me....
What has been lost.

That lovely little girl,
Will never again
Run to meet me,
Will never again
Call me "Leesee."

Her hand will never
Clasp mine again
As we cross a street.
Never again
Will we color
All through church.

This time of year
Reminds me of
What was lost.

Cousins,
Running about.
Challenging foosball.
Playing Mario.
Piggy back rides
And trampoline jumps.

Aunts, Uncles...
Extended family
All about.
Laughter and Love,
Shared stories
From the year.

Half a family...
What has been lost.

And what has been gained?

A quiet home,
All alone.
Two children,
Cuddled close by.
Kisses and warmth.
A Christmas tree,
Of my own...
My memories on display.
Moments gained.

A sense of self,
Of who I am again.
Knowing I have failed,
And knowing
I can get up again.
My own thoughts,
Processed and weary,
Incomplete and beautiful.

Another chance at Love,
At a Love that will fit me,
And not the other way around.
A brighter future,
My own future...
My own choices
And directions
Fully considered
And executed.
What has been gained.

It cannot be measured.
One cannot be weighed
Against the other.

It is only a matter of
What was lost,
And
What was gained.