Goodbyes

I am tired of Goodbyes.
Ever see that episode of M*A*S*H?
I am BJ Honeycut.
I don't want to say Goodbye...
Because I don't want us to have to part.

I have had too many of these partings lately.
Heartbreaking, heart wrenching moments.
I am not sure how many more of them I can stand.

Some have been Goodbye in this life,
Others just for now...
Still more that are not spoken,
But felt within the soul.

My heart remains heavy...
As I watch you leave.
I won't cry on the outside,
But please know my soul is soaked
With the salty tears of our Goodbye.

I will be there for you.
This is just Goodbye for now.
If you ever need a friend to walk beside you for a spell,
Or someone to help you stand,
I'll be here...
With an outstretched hand.

Thank you for what you have been to me here,
A huge support, a pillar;
A sense of joy,
Of positivity.
The best friend anyone could ask for.

Be safe.
Be fearless.
Be yourself.
Your friend I will always be.

Matters of the Heart

Only matters of the heart
Stop me in my tracks.

I have never been here before,
I have never felt this lost.

But I have never felt so alive,
Never felt so free.

These matters, so confusing,
Taunt me, twist me.

These matters, so uplifting,
Caress me, cradle me.

These thoughts are not perfection
And it's nice to know you don't think so either.

I am not perfection,
And I hope you don't think so either.

But these matters of the heart,
Draw me closer to you.

They bind me to you,
Little by little...yard by yard.

They make me wish I could be beside you,
And you beside me.

That we could share a perfect harmony,
Despite our imperfections.

All these matters....
Pull me apart sometimes.

Because all that matters,
Is how much love remains.

A Mandolin Tune

I imagine your fingers on my skin

As though you were playing your mandolin.

The music would be,

A kiss from me,

And hopefully a little harmony.

I'd sigh as your fingers brushed my lips,

And laugh as they rushed across my hips.

As you run your fingers through my hair,

I'd kiss you without a single care--

As if the world were never there.

Your fingertips could coax out of me
A tune sung so sweetly,
A song only for you--
A secret between us two...
A joy known only by a few.

When you've played your tune,
Lock me up in your room.
Keep me tight in the case of your arms,
Safe from all the world's harms
And enamored with all of your charms.

We'll play one tune, maybe two--
Who knows when they will be through.
But we'll go on each day,
And continue to play,
So long as we are in tune.

In Process

It has been a while since I have posted, so I thought I would take a moment for a quick update. I have several blogs in process--but they will have to remain that way for a while...

Life is crazy, wonderful, hectic, confusing--all as usual. But it is going very well at the moment...I am very fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful friends and family, and each day is a reminder of how lucky I am.

The fall has moved in...and the cold as well. It is always this time of year that I forget how cold I can feel...how cold the weather can really be. But yesterday as I was driving to work...I had a wonderful thought...

...last winter.

I have decided to move to California in the spring, and so this should (in theory) be my last winter in Colorado--at least for the time being. I am both very much looking forward to not having another winter like this...but also feeling sad about leaving...

Colorado has been my home for so long...it is hard some days to imagine leaving. But then in true Colorado style...it gets so freaking cold I think my vital fluids are going to freeze. Then thinking of leaving is WAY easier...

So, non-poetic update. Not super exciting....yet.

Transcontinental Heartbreaker

It was a joke...
Or at least it was supposed to be.
Our band--even tho we are not musically inclined.
It was more in jest...
That we were to be
Transcontinental Heartbreakers.

It was a funny thought,
For a while....
Then I felt
What it was like
To break someone's heart.

Now, it's not quite as funny....
Especially when I know
Another
Transcontinental Heartbreaker.

I'll watch you go....as you watch me leave...

Can't Take It
All American Rejects

You speak to me I know this will be temporary
You ask to leave, but I can tell you that I've had enough
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and I've waited long enough
to make it and if you're so strong you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Step up to me I know that you've got something buried
I'll set you free
You set conditions, but I've had enough
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and I've waited long enough
to make it and if you're so strong you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Come back home, won't you come back home?
You step in line, you got a lot to prove It comes and goes
Yeah, it comes and goes
A step in time, yeah it's a lot to move

I know this will be temporary
I know this will be temporary
I know this will be, but I've had enough
I can't take it
This welcome is gone and I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go I can't take it

This welcome is gone and I've waited long enough
to make it and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Truly?

Someday You Will Be Loved
By Death Cab for Cutie

I once knew a girl,
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth.
In the morning I fled,
Left a note and it read:
"Someday you will be loved."

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret,
'Cause each broken heart will eventually mend.
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread,
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved, you'll be loved,
Like you never have known.
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs,
Like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep,
And every time tears roll down your cheeks,
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet.
Someday you will be loved.

You'll be loved, you'll be loved,
Like you never have known.
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs,
Like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.

You'll be loved, you'll be loved,
Like you never have known.
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs,
Like I never occurred.
Someday you will be loved.
Someday you will be loved.
_______________________________________

Do you ever wish that songs were promises? That there were some sort of guarantee? That singing along would be worth something?

That's how I feel about this song. It seems like a promise...but is it an empty promise?

Someday will I really be loved? And will all the memories holding me back really become a series of blurs?

Does my heart belong to someone I have yet to meet?

So many questions...so few answers.

Nonetheless, I do hope that someday I will be loved...the way I need to be loved, the way I long to be loved. I know I had love...but somehow it all fell apart...it disintegrated, like sand blown away right under my feet...

And every time I really thought that I had found it...I was wrong. So how will I know?

I thought I was ready for love now...but I am not so sure right now...maybe I am and I just don't know it. Maybe I'm not. I am just going to roll with the punches...and see where that gets me.

And don't worry...someday you will be loved too. Just remember to sing along...