Direction...

Once again, I find myself searching for direction in my writing/blogging. This little blog started to grow out of the pain of divorce, and continued to grow throughout my search for myself--and new love.

I spent so many hours writing about pain, loneliness, emptiness, brokenness, confusion and loss...and even hope. I used to write so easily when I was hurting, even when I was growing up. When I felt alone or misunderstood, I could write all my feelings out better than I could speak them.

So now that I have a whole new life--filled with joy and love--what do I write about? I am not as poetic when it comes to love and such mushy things...although I wrote several versions of my vows to Ryan, only one I deemed "good enough" to actually read in front of everyone. I find that most often my happy-lovey-dovey feelings feel most accurately expressed in song...not ones that I write, of course. But those which I have heard so many times that every note is burned into my brain, and if I knew how to play each instrument--I could be a one-women band. The songs that play over and over in my head...where I can hear each strum of the guitar, beat of the drum and hum of each word...

I also find that Ryan and I have so many adventures together...already! Sometimes even just a trip to the store turns out to be an adventure! And sometimes, our planned-to-be-peaceful-Sunday-morning-hike turns into a somewhat life-threatening adventure too. (That story, coming soon!)

So...as I look forward to what I want to write about, I feel most inspired by music and adventure...and a touch of our past. I would love to regale you all with stories from my parents and grandparents--which I may very well do sometimes.

I feel that once again, a name change is in order for my blog. I love that I can change it up whenever I want. So far, it has only had two different names:

Who am I, Who will I be?

Of Life and Love...

And now I think it shall be called...

I Left My Heart In...

Circle of LIfe...

It's funny how one moment I was running around like crazy planning a wedding, and all of a sudden I'm running around in the "back to normal life" mode. It seems like only yesterday I was starting on my dress...

As much fun as it was, I am really glad to be back to a normal life. Not having a wedding to plan opens up so much free time! It's nice to crochet, hike, blog, cook dinner, do laundry...and even clean!!

I love being married to Ryan. I love the relationship we have...it's truly amazing! We think alike in all the right ways, and have completely different brains in all the right ways. It is amazing to wake up every day knowing that someone has my back all the way, and that someone loves life just as much as I do.

So, being married is awesome. I think Ryan likes it too. ;-)

Now, if we could just keep our non-air conditioned apartment under 80 degrees, that would be amazing.

Unexpected...

I was at work the other day, ringing up a customer's transaction when I looked up to see something that I had hoped to never see again...my ex's parents.

I couldn't believe the instantaneous reaction I felt...my throat tightened, I felt light-headed, I started to shake...it was unbelievable.

I immediately took my leave from the area, fortunate to not have been seen by the unexpected visitors. Fortunately my manager allowed me to retreat to the break room for a bit...which was definitely needed since I didn't stop shaking for a good 20 minutes.

I had not seen them at all since the divorce. It was such a shock to see them at all let alone in my own little world of TCS...

The more I think about it, the more I wish that I would not have reacted that way...I mean, the shaking couldn't be helped--it's just what my body was going to do. But I can't run from them forever...and I won't. Next time, I will be more prepared, and more ready to do what needs to be done. I may not walk over to help them find what they are looking for, but I will not run. It's my turf and it's filled with my peeps. If anything were to go wrong, I would be surrounded by friends to back me up.

So, life goes on. It always will. And somewhere, they will be there...because life goes on for them too.

Life's Stories...

It's amazing to me how fast everything changes...how much our lives change in moments...

I can't believe that it's already July...almost halfway through July in fact!! I have registered for classes already, and I can't believe that in just over a month it will be back to school time...

So much has changed, yet so little. Married life is wonderful--on so many levels. It is great to introduce Ryan as my husband, it is wonderful to know that we share an unbreakable bond and commitment...but most of all--it is refreshing to have lots more free time since we are no longer planning a wedding!!

Our wedding was wonderful...everything was beautiful and thoughtful...it was the best day so far!

Now, don't take that to mean that everything went perfectly as planned...I did get my veil stuck in a tree just as my Dad and I started walking down the aisle...and of course we had other goof-ups--and by "we," I mean me of course.

But it was meaningful and joyful--full of our families and friends (and joy felt from afar for those who could not join us).

It was full of personal touches...littles things that made us smile. It was a beautiful piece to our story. But not the best day of ours lives ever--that I am sure is yet to come!!

It was a day we will never forget!! And I wouldn't change one moment of it.

You can view all our wedding photos on Austyn's Website (she is the amazing photographer we can thank for all our photos!!)

So, on June 28th, 2011--Ryan and I started a new chapter in our lives' stories. And now our stories become one--a story with many facets and points of view, but one shared between two people who love each other more than anything in the world.

We're Married!!

Yay!!! It's true!! We are finally married. :-) And very happy indeed.

So, I apologize for the very large gap of time where I did not blog...but now I have no wedding planning to do, so I am hoping that I can back into a blogging rhythm.

I will tell all when I don't have to go to sleep...but it was wonderful and perfect. :-)

Happy Wednesday!!