Utah...New Mexico...Roswell...

Well, we were supposed to go to Utah for our vacation...but due to rain and chance of flash floods we ended up in New Mexico!

I will share more of our adventure soon I hope!!

I Don't Have a Future Figured Out Yet...

Taking Chances
by Celine Dion

Don't know much about your life,
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast,
And maybe it's not meant to last.

But what do you say to takin' chances,
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

But what do you say to takin' chances,
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're lying on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do.
Like lovers do.

But what do you say to takin' chances,
What do you say to jumpin' off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life,
And I don't know much about your world.

__________________________________________

One year ago, I posted this same song. I had just gone on a lovely date with a charming fellow, and was completely surprised with how well it all had gone. Except for the moment when I pushed open a door too hard only to find it was locked closed, thereby injuring my wrist. (Remember, that's one of the awkward reasons I gave up dating...)

But he was pure gentleman. He was sweet and caring, strong and defiant...and wouldn't just let me win every game of air hockey. I don't know exactly how he felt when he went home, but he had definitely burned himself into my brain. I spent the night with the song above running through my head...wanting desperately to be able to jump off the edge, but still wishing I could be wearing a parachute....

I can't describe to you all the ways that this charming fellow blew me away. I think that the best example lies in the fact that when we started dating, I told him I could not be in a single committed relationship at the time. I told him I would break his heart (yes, I literally told him I would break his heart...and he laughed!), and that I was dating someone else at the same time.

A reasonable man would have gone running, right? Well, I am glad he has not a single reasonable bone in his body. ;-)

Instead he decided to prove that he was the one for me, despite the fact that I had already made plans to move halfway across the country to be with someone else that I had been dating. But when that someone else moved before me and seemingly forgot me, my charming fellow stepped it up.

He asked if he could come visit me once I moved. He spent every waking moment reminding me that he was around, and that he was ready to do whatever it took to increase my happiness. Day after day, he would spend his time with me. When I had to work every Saturday over the summer, he would come meet me for lunch, and tolerate me as I tried to shove grass clippings down his shirt and/or pants.

We would spend hours talking about our past--what we shared and what we had missed out on each other's lives. We would drive, hike, climb...dream and adventure, all to our own tune. Finally, I realized that I couldn't move to be with someone else...because I had fallen in love with the charming fellow in front of me.

And although he may have fallen asleep the first time I tried to tell him that I loved him, he still stole my heart. It didn't take long before I realized that my life would not be complete without spending every day with this man...that my life would be boring without him...that my heart would never have more love in it than when I was with him.

So, what do I say to taking chances? I say, hell yes. Hearts break, and hearts mend. Higher risk means higher return (I learned that in accounting).

I felt like I was taking a big chance going out on a date with this charming fellow...because I didn't feel like I was ready. But I followed my heart, because for months it had been screaming "GO OUT WITH HIM!!!" (True story.)

So, one year after our first date, and 44 days to our wedding day...I am so happy to spend each and every moment with my wonderful Ryan.

If I ever wonder about the miracle of life, or how much God loves me...all I have to do is wrap my arms around my Ryan and realize that if God made Ryan, then I know He loves me.

Excitement...

I like excitement. I am even a pretty excitable person...I like feeling and sharing it with others. I even got the "Air of Excitement" award at TCS...

So why do I so often get so surrounded by lack of excitement?

This stems from my family's complete and utter lack of excitement about anything concerning the wedding/marriage. The only exception to this rule (at this point in time) are my oldest brother and his wife. Thank God for them.

For a while, my Grandmother seemed excited. When I visited her, we talked and shopped, watched "Up" while I told her how Ryan proposed...and we even talked a little more about the wedding since I came back. I thought she was really excited...until we talked a couple nights ago.

She hasn't bought a plane ticket. I have reminded her several times to do it before the prices go up, but she still hasn't done so.

She told me that she "heard" that the wedding was being postponed a year...so I asked her where she heard that. Then she just said that she was just hoping that I would "come to my senses" and wait another year so I could be "done with school," etc. She was not all that happy when I told her that the wedding was still on for this summer, and she should get her ticket.

If we time travel back to 5 years ago when I was planning my first wedding, her attitude was much the same. When she was helping me shop for a dress for the rehearsal dinner, she told me, "Once you wear white, it's all downhill."

Yup. My Grandmother said that to me, about a month before my first wedding. While she never seemed excited about the first one, she talks about it like others talk about the recent royal wedding--she says it was such a beautiful wedding. Every time she goes to a wedding, she tells me how mine was more lovely.

My brothers--hell, they're guys. I honestly don't expect for them to care much about the wedding--except for where the booze is. And that is fine...I know they care, they're just guys. All of them do actually ask me how planning is going from time to time...much more often than my parents do.

When my older brother's wedding was approaching, there was much "to do" from my parents. They were seemingly constantly chatting with my brother and his (now) wife, they were discussing travel plans, wedding vows...there was much excitement surrounding it all.

In 52 days, Ryan and I will get married.

I have not had my parents ask about the wedding in at least the last month.

It saddens me so that my family seems so disinterested in the wedding. At least once a day I consider the possibility of eloping...but I know I want to share that day with my friends...and my family (whether they want to or not).

My parents and Grandmother got really excited when I decided to go into Accounting. I don't think they have ever expressed such excitement--except for maybe when I told them that Ted wanted to make my job permanent at CU. Maybe. But they have never expressed such excitement for something that was so personal to me...a relationship, an adventure, an idea...

I am starting to feel like my family does not even know me. Or that maybe they just don't care that much about my personal happiness. It is exciting to them when the possibility of me having a great career comes forward, but when a man steps up and loves me more than I ever could have imagined...meh. The History Channel at 2:34AM has more excitement.

So, I am trying to overcome this lack of excitement by trying to create even more of my own, which is difficult. I am so tired of trying to manufacture for them what is not...and may never be there.

Life is great. The trees are turning green, it's warm outside...the sky is bright blue with white puffy clouds, and there is a whole world to explore. I find it hard to contain my excitement about life when I think about all that there is to do in the world--all that already exists! Bugs, birds, prairie dogs, cows, asphalt, combustion engines, drainage ditches, lakes, hay, sunshine...it is all so magical--I don't know how everyone can't be bursting with excitement all the time!

And I will marry the man I love in this gorgeous world. We will live our wonderful little life together in the miracle of what is. We will cultivate a most amazing love...one that will bring tears to people's eyes once we both have died.

And I am excited for that day. I go forth in complete love and trust, knowing that we are supposed to be together forever. Whether anyone else is excited about it or not...whether my family gives two twigs about it...I just want to take my chance to live through a miracle--and that miracle will be the love that Ryan and I share.

The birds will sing to us, the bugs will hum for us, frogs will provide some bass, and the earth will provide a beautiful backdrop. The sky will open wide for us, reminding us we have the whole world, and our whole lives, ahead of us.

Even if no one else shows up, Ryan and I will have the best wedding ever.

500...

This is my 500th post on my blog! Wow...seems like only yesterday I started it...

A lot has happened in 500 posts...and I am sure a lot more will happen in the next 500.

So, thank you all for reading!! I hope you keep coming back for more!

Happy Monday!

Another Day in History...

Years from now, young ones (not mine, someone elses') will ask me where I was when I heard the news that Osama was dead.

I was lounging on the couch with my fiance writing a final paper for school. And by "writing a paper," I mean procrastinating on facebook. Someone's status update alerts me to the news, so I tune in to hear what was going on.

Just before 10PM, President Obama went live.

Ryan and I lounged together and listened, holding hands as we witnessed history.

Neither of us can believe it has been 10 years.

It seems crazy, all that has happened in the last 10 years...

We both recalled where we were on September 11, 2001.

And how erie it was when there were no planes in the skies for days...

Perhaps, this is the start of a whole new era. I told Ryan it all depends on if they cut off the head of the snake, or a head of the hydra.

Time will tell.

For today, good night and God bless.

We are one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Let us stay that way.

Awake My Soul...

by Mumford and Sons

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes.
I struggle to find any truth in your lies.
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know.
My weakness I feel I must finally show.

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all.
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall.
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see.
But your soul you must keep, totally free.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Awake my soul.

Awake my soul.

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes.
I struggle to find any truth in your lies.
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know.
My weakness I feel I must finally show.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, Ah, ah, ah, ah.

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die.
Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

Awake my soul.

Awake my soul.
Awake my soul.
For you were made to meet your maker.
Awake my soul.

Awake my soul.
Awake my soul.
For you were made to meet your maker,
You were made to meet your maker.

________________________________________

If you have this album, then you know the feeling of this song. It's epic and beautiful...wonderful and touching.

I don't experience God the same way you do....I can pretty much guarantee it. That's part of the beauty of a relationship--it is different for every single person, because every single person is different.

I dont' find God in a church. He doesn't reach me there...He hasn't in a very long time.

But lend me your eyes, and I'll change what you see.

In the brightness of day, I turn my face skyward...and the warm rays soak my skin...I get goosebumps. I feel God wrapping his arms around me, saying "I am right here. I always have been, and I always will be."

As the sun sets, I am mesmerized by the brilliant colors...as my eyes dance across the horizon, I see God smiling at me, saying "I am right here. I always have been, and I always will be."

As my hands brush wheat and grass, the rough and the smooth awakening my fingertips...I feel God's touch. He holds His fingertips out, saying "I am right here. I always have been, and I always will be."

As I climb up a large rock, its surface warmed by the sun; when my hands find the perfect hold...I feel God's hand holding mine as He says, "I am right here. I always have been, and I always will be."

In the dark quiet of the night, the cool breeze blows past...rustling the leaves on the trees. I hear God's whisper saying "I am right here. I always have been, and I always will be."

God awakens my soul, not in a church...but in His home where He meets me.

He made me the way I am, and so He meets me where He knows He can reach me best.

Where I see God in the green grass, the tiniest calf in the field, the blue of the sky and the surreal clouds; others may see Him at the pulpit at a church, in the words of a hymnal or sermon, or even in the fellowship of others.

How can I deny how I have been made? I can't. There is a reason for the way I am, and someday I will know that reason.

For now, I will embrace it.

And I will continue to build my relationship the only way I know how.

Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see...but your soul you must keep totally free.

Awake my soul.

For I was made to meet my Maker.