Night Off...

It is nice to have a Friday night off. Lately I have been working a lot of Friday nights--I traded tonight for another night, and it is lovely to get to spend quiet time with Ryan instead of a quiet night at TCS...

Someday, I will have a job where I have evenings off...where I can be home every night, and every weekend....someday...

Apologies...

Wow...I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since I have really added a new post. I have several in the works, but haven't had the time or energy to complete them.

Explanation: this time of year--though I LOVE Christmas, is not easy for me. I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, as some of you already know, and the past week especially has been not so great.

But, I am working on getting posts up for the last 2 weeks. Thank you all for your patience and support.

Happy Holidays!!

my god micah...

Tonight we got to watch our friends' band , my god micah, play at the Larimer Lounge...it was quite fun!

If you haven't heard them, or of them--you need to give them a listen. They have amazing original music...and they are awesome live.

I might be slightly biased, simply because Ryan and I first started hanging out again back in January...the reason: my god micah. Ryan invited me to their first show. And every show since.

But all biases aside, these guys are amazing. Catch their next live show in Denver--you won't regret it!

Joker Kitty...

I am feeling a little better today...still trying to keep myself from falling back into the sad state I was in yesterday...but doing better nonetheless.

It helps to have something else to focus on, and today I have Kairi to take care of. I feel so badly for her--she had an infected lip right now. I don't know what causes it...but imagine what having the lips of the Dark Night's Joker on a cat would look like...that's what Kai's left lip looks like. I know you are probably giggling at the thought...but my poor baby is hurt!!

So I spent my free time between work calling the vet to get the right medicine all ready for her, and then after work this afternoon I drove the 40 minutes to get them. I just wish that it would make her better right away...I feel so terrible every time I see her poor swollen lip...

Don't worry, of course it seems that she has no idea she is injured. Which means she will *love* swallowing the pills...or not...

I'll keep you posted on how she is doing, because that is what crazy cat moms do. :-)

Hitting the Wall...

A very dark, very hard wall.

Someplace very alone...separate from the rest of the world...where no one can touch me.

There are days I live here...alone, untouched. Not because no one reaches out...but just because I can't feel them.

There are Good Times...and Bad Times...

It gets difficult...some days.

Out of nowhere, the depression will hit me...and I won't even know it. All I know is I want to be alone...because I am better off alone.

It feels so dark, so empty...and I feel sad--very sad, but I don't feel like I deserve more.

No more than the emptiness and loneliness.

There are bad times...

Positive Feedback...

Today was a pretty great day at work. I got to help with a Gift Wrap and Bow Demonstration (which is my favorite part of working on the weekends right now), and then I had my 60-day review...which was 30 days late. (Which means, yes all you math wizards are correct--I have been at TCS for 90 days!!)

My review went really well. Turns out they like me a lot, and enjoy having me on the team. They would like me to step up as more of a leader...which I am not opposed to doing, I just am hoping that I am really ready to go back to that.

It was really great to get good feedback...I love my job, and I am glad they love me back.

Yay TCS!!

Christmastime is here!!!

We are in full holiday mode at TCS, so I get to hear holiday music ALL THE TIME at work...and I love it!!

I love listening to all the Christmas carols, imagining the perfect holiday evening...

Driving around looking at Christmas lights, then skating on an outdoor rink all decked out in Christmas lights...then walking around in the fresh snow and building a snowman...then retiring by the fire next to the Christmas tree and snuggling under a blanket watching Christmas movies...

Sigh.

I love Christmastime. Everyone is so nice and cheerful, there is an air of giving...everyone thinking of their loved ones and making them happy...thinking how they can bring joy into someone else's life...

I love it. So very much.

Stitch by Stitch...

Little by little, I am getting everyone's Christmas gifts done. My crochet a day is really helpful in getting everything ready in time!

I find it funny...that I can turn a skein of yarn into a hat...with just a few hours and some twists of the wrist. It's great fun to watch everything take form...little by little.

It reminds me that life is sometimes the same way. It takes time...and everything is made stitch by stitch, little by little. Not everything comes easily--sometimes trying to follow the pattern is difficult...and sometimes you change the pattern to better suit you. But oftentimes, it takes time to see the form of what you are actually making...

Little by little...stitch by stitch.

I am making a better life than before.

IT'S DECEMBER!!!!

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling ring-ting-tingling tune....come on its lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you!!

Walking in a Winter Wonderland!!!

Up on the rooftop reindeer paws, down through the chimney with Santa Claus!!

Oh come O ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!!

I love Christmas carols...I do. I am so excited that it is December!! Yes, I hate the cold--and YES I hate driving in the snow...but I LOVE the Christmas season. It is my favorite winter holiday and quite possibly the only reason I survive the winters.

I am definitely looking forward to this month...Ryan and I get to go to California for my brother's wedding in just a few short weeks, Christmas is almost here, and I get to spend lots of time with my family and friends.

Yay December!! Yay Christmastime!! I am SO glad you're here!!