Daylight Savings...

And so it begins.

Today we started Daylight Savings Time...and so today it was dark at 5PM.

DARK.

At 5.

Ridiculous.

Sigh, at least I think so. I hate it when it starts getting dark any time before 8...and I love it when the sun sets at 9...truly wonderful.

But we are working our way to the other end of the cycle...the part when the night overpowers the day very early...and the dark is so much darker than I ever remember.

Today was a rough day. I forgot what DST does to the evenings...or maybe it was just my usual denial of the cold and dark of winter. Nonetheless, the day became more and more depressing as the night approached.

In the middle of the summer, when it is bright and lovely and warm, I have trouble remembering exactly what I feel like in the winter. Summer mornings when I step outside in the early morning warmth, I find it hard to imagine that the world is ever so cold in the morning that I can't walk outside in a sundress...

But I am starting to feel the depression on the horizon...I can see it coming. And right now, I want to fight it. I don't want to be stuck in a world of darkness, clouds, rain and emptiness. Winter is a killer when the sun goes down....

Even If It Kills Me
by Motion City Soundtrack

I've got a lot of things to do tonight.
I'm so sick of making lists,
Of things I'll never finish.
I've lived here for the last 12 years.
Since early 1995,
All my shit has been in boxes
But if I had a little more time to kill,
I'd settle every little stupid thing.
Yeah, you'd think that I would

But I'm too tired to go to sleep tonight.
And I'm too weak to follow dreams tonight.
For the first time in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try
To get better and overcome each moment,
In my own way.

I wonder if I'll ever lose my mind.
I tried hard for a while,
But then I kind of gave up.
Winter is a killer when the sun goes down.
"I'm really not as stubborn as I seem,"
Said the knuckle to the concrete.

But I'm too tired to go to sleep tonight.
And I'm too weak to follow dreams tonight.
For the first time in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try
To get better and overcome each moment,
In my own way.

I'm not saying that I'm giving up,
I'm just trying not to think,
As much as I used to.
'Cause never is a lonely little messed up word.
Maybe I'll get it right someday...

For the first time in a long time,
I can say that I wanna try.
I feel helpless for the most part,
But I'm learning to open my eyes.
And the sad truth of the matter is,
I'll never get over it
But I'm gonna try
To get better and overcome each moment,
In my own way.

I so wanna get back on track.
And I'll do whatever it takes,
Even if it kills me.
_________________________________

I'm really not as stubborn as I seem...and sometimes I wonder if I will ever lose my mind.

But I want to get better.

I want to overcome each moment...

In my own way.

Because never is a lonely little messed up word...

I do feel helpless some days...those long, dark, cold days...when I just don't even care anymore. When I can no longer imagine the sunshine, and it feels like the darkness will continue forever and leave me encased in my own prison.

But it's a new winter...a new year. And it is going to be better.

I hope.