Do What You Love....

We're supposed to change our minds a thousand times, right?

Well, that's the option I am going to go with for now.

.

.

.

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So, I am wondering....what the hell was I thinking?

For those of you who have known me for longer than a nanosecond know that I am a "free spirit," one who cannot thrive inside the box...someone who has trouble with rules...

So, why did I think that I could pull off the whole accounting thing? Now, school is going well--I have straight A's as of now. I officially got an 'A' in accounting 1. So it's not that I don't get accounting....I get it. I just don't think that accounting will get me.

Why did I wander so far from what I love? All my life I have been told, "Do what you love, and the rest will follow." So why have I turned my back on everything that I love?

Easy...expectations.

For those of you who carry the burdens of the expectations of your loved ones, you know how I feel. Sometimes the burden is light, other times it becomes unbearable. Sometimes the expectations fit who you are, other times they crush you out of the skin that you know you belong in.

Expectations.

EXPECTations.

EXPECTATIONS.

EXPECTATIONS.

EXPECTATIONS.

I never got it right,

That's how this breaks down.

I never see things through,

I always carry the weight for you,

For you...

And now I hesitate,

WIth every step I take.

I fear my back might break

If I don't leave today.

Always trying to please everyone

That I met and I ended up losing it all.

But all that sh*t is gone,

All that sh*t is gone.

I guess I felt abused,

If that something you choose?

In a cheap disguise,

I did everything for you.

Always trying to please everyone

That I met and I ended up losing it all.

But all that sh*t is gone,

All that sh*t is gone.

All that sh*t is gone.

All that sh*t is gone.

I never got it right,

I always carry the weight for you...

(All That Sh*t is Gone, by Carolina Liar)

Throughout my life, I have felt like I have lived it trying to please everyone else. I had gotten away from that, and then I walked right back into it.

So, now I find myself pulling back away.

What do I want?

I want a simple life...where I have dinner every night with my soon-to-be husband. Where I can make arts and crafts everyday and work stays at work. Where I have time for my friends and my 4-legged children. I want a life full of fresh air and adventure...

I don't need another college degree or a high-paying job for any of that.

So, here I am again...trying to decide what to do with my life. Apparently, I am just a seeker. A perpetual student and a seeker.

And that's ok.

There are plenty of things to discover and learn in this world...so I shouldn't ever be bored. ;-)