Battles

by The Spill Canvas

Cursed by my imagination,
Teaming with echoes of situations,
I do not feel well, pressed beneath this spell.
Polishing my social skills
With one more drink, and two more pills.
I do not feel good, I thought by now I would.

But then again,
It's like one thousand paper cuts,
Soaked in vinegar.
Like the battles with yourself,
That leave you insecure.
It's all just a numbing charade,
Until the day you finally wake up,
And you're not afraid.

Bound by my own disposition,
The endless hunt to find fruition.
I'm insatiable, even if my cup is full.
My sore throats are now routine...
I've got to write those songs, make 'em scream.
They're insatiable, even if their ears are full.

But then again,
It's like one thousand paper cuts,
Soaked in vinegar.
Like the battles with yourself,
That leave you insecure.
It's all just a numbing charade,
Until the day you finally wake up,
And you're not...afraid.

But then again,
It's like one thousand paper cuts,
Soaked in vinegar.
Like the battles with yourself,
That leave you insecure.
It's all just a numbing charade,
Until the day you finally wake up,
And you're not afraid.
________________________

I have been battling myself for a while...yet again. You all know by now that there is some stuff I have been wanting to put out here on my blog, but I have been hesitant...

I have been in therapy since a few weeks after I left my ex. I have been with my current therapist for a year now, and I think it has been super helpful. I try and go once a week, granted I have the time. Yesterday was a good session...

I talked about all the stuff that has been weighing me down and why I feel hesitant about putting everything out there on this little page. I feel as though I reached a resolution...and I am no longer afraid.

It's been like one thousand paper cuts...doused in vinegar. Even those evil paper cuts right between your fingers...and the pain was excruciating, and so I went numb--in a lot of ways.

I am still learning to wake up and feel everything again. I am still learning to express it all as well. I have found my voice again--and sometimes I need a reminder to use it.

There will always be battles within. But today, I won one.