Moving Day...

I have been counting down to today for almost 6 months. I have looked forward to this day as the next step in my journey...so why are my bags not packed?

I have had many steps in this journey--it all started in June 2009, when my brother graduated from UC Irvine. My family went out for his graduation, and I fell in love with California. I loved the beach, the sun, pretty much everything. So when I came back, and my friend said "I don't know why you don't just move there," it got me thinking. So after some thought--I decided, why not? I needed a new life--a fresh start. So I gave my notice at work, and started scheming.

I found one friend who was in a similar boat--she didn't know what to do since she had graduated, so I suggested she move to California with me. We could be roommates!! So I planned on that for a few months, really excited about what lay ahead.

Then my friend decided she needed to pursue her life elsewhere--which I completely support. She has had a quite a few twists and turns as well, and is now moving to NY because she was accepted into an internship at Juilliard. I am so very happy for her, and I look forward to seeing how her story unfolds!!

For a few months, I didn't know what to do. I considered moving to Tucson since I had no roommate for California, thought about moving solo, but kind of just waited to see what would unfold.

I had another dear friend who knew she wanted to move away from Colorado come August, but she also was unsure of where to go. So I set out to convince her that California was the place! We took a trip in February and had a blast! A couple weeks later she told me she had decided to move with me!! I was so excited!!

But once again, fate--or God or destiny, whatever you would like to call it--intervened. We both had slight doubts of where we wanted to go--just in the last month or two--and now my friend is moving to Seattle! I am super excited for her--she will be close to a part of her family she really enjoys, and she is super excited about her new adventure. I know she will do well--and again I look forward to seeing how her story unfolds.

So, mere weeks away from my moving day, I found myself with no roommate for California. I knew I couldn't live alone--it would be unaffordable--and living with a stranger was out of the question. If it were just me, that would be fine. But the thought of sharing a space with someone who did not love my cats as much as I do brought me much anxiety--I constantly worried that my babies would not be carefully guarded, and would escape out into the world and be lost from me...and that thought was more than heartbreaking.

So, I once again considered Tucson. And after a long conversation with my Dad, decided that Tucson was where I should go. I have always loved Tucson, but my main pull towards that lovely city was my Grandma. She and I are great friends, and I was looking forward to seeing her every day! So I called my Grandma, started looking for apartments, started browsing for jobs--all those fun things you get to do when you move!

The day after (literally..no exaggeration...) I decided to move to Tucson, my Dad sent me a text...informing me that Grandma was considering moving here, again. So, I was stuck--do I move and risk having the main reason I was moving there go away? Or do I stay put, since every time I try to make plans they fall apart?

I spent about a week thinking about it all. Why was I so desperate to move? Why did I have to move right now? What was I running to...or from?

In this week, I got to spend several morning with my niece. She is an absolutely adorable 4 year old with wide eyes and an adventuresome spirit. I started to remember some things...

I remembered when she was born...how much I wanted to be a part of her life.
I remembered how much I love being close to my family...how much I love stopping by for dinner, how much I love knowing that they are close.
I remembered how much I do love Colorado...the summers are perfect, the falls spectacular, the springs renewing...and the winters....barely tolerable. ;-)

And I thought about why I was so desperate to move...and I realized that I was wanting to run. I was running away from all the ghosts and demons held here...I didn't want to have to face them. I wanted to feel like I had a fresh start--a whole new life...and I didn't think I could find it here.

I realized that by running away from the ghosts, I was also running away from so much that was important to me. I knew if I moved, I would lose out on so much of my niece's life...and so much else.

But I have also been so blessed...with new friends, new places, new dreams. And I knew if I continued to run, I would lose out on these amazing friendships...and the "nephews" and "nieces" that I got to play "Auntie Lisa" to...

I have also been immensely blessed with a new love...one that I know would follow me all over the globe--and back again. But it all feels like a whole new life--a fresh start...right here.

I began to wonder if God, fate, destiny, the universe--was trying to tell me something. Every time I had a plan in place to move away, it slowly disintegrated to nothing. Was I supposed to keep pushing, like a flower pushing through the cracks of the cement? Or was I running the wrong way, driving the wrong way down a one way street?

After many sleepless nights and pensive days, I feel like I am meant to be right here for now. I don't know where I will end up--I don't know where I am going. But for now--I will continue my new saga right here in Colorado.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive through all of this, I don't know where I would be driving today if not for you!

Thank you Sophie and Emmy, for letting me briefly share adventures with you--I look forward to visits and many more adventures!

Thank you Brian and Austyn, for listening and supporting and for your amazing friendships. I hope that we all will get to share in many more adventures, and I hope that I can support you both as much as you have supported me. And of course, thank you for letting me share in little Liam's adventures!

Thank you Stacy for your ever-abounding love and friendship--who would have thought that we would still be friends after all these years!! Thank you for the journals, pictures and memories. You are truly an amazing woman, and I am blessed to know you!

Thanks Pooshie, for listening, even in the midst of your chaotic life. You always have taken the time to be there for me, even whilst planning your wedding. You are absolutely practically perfect Polly, and I am so happy to have met you--and so grateful that we are friends! You are wonderful, and I wish you all the happiness in the world in every day as you start your new life with your hubby.

Thanks Dad, for listening and guiding--for asking the hard questions and waiting for the answers so you could ask even harder questions--thank you for always supporting me, through every crazy adventure.

And of course...thank you Ryan. Thank you for taking a chance and hypothetically asking me out on a date. Thank you for putting up with my craziness and neurosis...constantly. Thank you for your never-ending patience and support. Thank you for caring enough that it didn't matter where I was moving...you still cared about me. Thank you for holding me when I didn't know how to ask for help, and for never pushing me to be anyone other than myself. Thank you for reminding me what it was like to dream with reckless abandonment--and thank you for supporting all of my dreams, no matter how wacky. Thank you for reminding me that there is beauty and love in every day...I love you.

And many thanks to my lovely babies, Sora and Kairi...who have tolerated a basement with one tiny window for months! Who have listened to me promise beaches and deserts--that we would soon be out of here...and who would still cuddle and love me every night and morning. My life would not be complete without you, my beautiful children.

I love you all!! Thank you so much for being a part of my journey, and for being so supportive as I start this new saga.

Side note: I am sorry Stacy--I know you were super excited--and I was too. But I will just have to make sure I get around to where you are every time I visit Grandma. And hopefully someday soon, we will once again live in the same state!