Searching...

Why is it I always feel like I am searching for something? Why are there days that my brain will just not shut off?

Sometimes, all I want is a little peace and quiet...a few moments when everything inside my brain is calm.

Once again...I am searching...for a lot...

...for a quiet moment.
...for more time.
...for reasons to keep trying.
...for more energy.
...for more resources.
...for more ways to give.
...for a way to give more.
...for who I am in this place...
...for a new place to live.
...for answers.
...for what to do with my life.
...for a new job.
...for someone...

And more...I am sure. But I am stuck at the moment, as I start my actual search for a new place to live....

There has been another change of plans. I am no longer moving to California right now...I have decided to move to Arizona.

There are several reasons why I have ended up here. The first one is because I want to be close to my Grandma--we have been very close for years. And I don't really want to move further away from her. Secondly, I already know Tucson--and I know I like it there. I was born there. I have gone there about 4 times a year for the last 9 years...I doubt there will be very many surprises moving to a town I already know.

Most importantly...I need to move somewhere I can hear my own voice...my own thoughts. Colorado has become a graveyard...of empty and broken promises, of towns I don't want to venture into...of memories...

California still beckons me--very strongly. But, I am afraid that if I move all the way out there, I will spend so much time affording to live there that I will not have any time to spend in thought, pursuing the things that I love.

So, this is my latest decision. It may change a thousand more times...but today...I am moving to Tucson.

And now comes the searching...where will be my--our new home?