Freedom Day

This post may seem kind of odd, just as fair warning.

One year ago today, a judge signed a little piece of paper. That simple act meant that I was finally legally divorced.

It has been 365 rotations of the earth....one full revolution around the sun...there are no more days that I have not lived in this alone state.

I have been preparing for this day for a few days...I knew it would not be easy, but I had no idea what I would feel today. I honestly did not want to get out of bed--for several reasons, but partially because there was a part of me that wanted this day to escape unattended.

I am glad that I got out of bed...it is a BEAUTIFUL Colorado summer day. And I have gotten some wonderful support from some of my friends, so that has made it much easier.

I struggled with what to make today's blog about. My therapy the past two sessions has been very angry--trying to deal with the end of the marriage and how I was treated...

But, as I thought about what to write...I didn't want to be completely negative. Mainly because (and this is the thought that keeps running through my head) I don't want to feel like I wasted 8 years of my life with an ass. I don't want to feel like it was all terrible--I don't want to feel like my judgement was hugely flawed because the man I chose to marry was a total jerk.

So, in light of this, I have decided to write about the happy parts of my marriage. I just need to know that my judgement is not completely off....

I remember...

...so many things about our love.

I remember the first time I saw you.

I remember the first time we kissed, it was incredibly awkward, but we both laughed.

I remember you were the person I called when my Grandpa died.

I remember celebrating each month-a-versary, and how special I felt.

I remember you gave me a ring when I asked for one, when I needed to feel commitment.

I remember late nights, driving way too fast to get home before curfew, simply because we wanted those last few moments together.

I remember being so proud of you, seeing you on stage doing what you love to do.

I remember you wrapping your arms around me when I was cold, and how you would let me warm my icy hands up on your warm neck.

I remember how you would smile...

I remember how you would give our neighbor a beer when he'd be working on his car out in the hot sun.

I remember how you always tried to give the best Secret Santa gifts to your friends.

I remember how we spent late nights and long days helping friends remodel.

I remember how you always were there for your friends.

I remember how you were so nervous about adopting a cat, but you let me do it anyway.

I remember watching you play with Sora, and how happy we all were to be a family.

I remember our epic Soul Calibur IV battles.

I remember your smile when we would talk about MGS, and how excited you were when I could answer all your questions.

I remember it all.

The only thing I can't remember is...

...why I thought we could ever work.

So today is a celebration--of what was, what isn't, and what will be.

Happy Freedom Day.