Reality...

Today was not a good day.

You ever have those days...the ones that make you feel like you are just going to break...just shatter?

Yeah...today.

One of those days, where so many thoughts were running through my head...

...realizing a world created and the real world are not the same...

...the ideal world in your head is not the same as the one you live in...

...the people you think you know, you don't know at all...

...that all the bad things they say about life are actually true.

We are alone.

We end up alone.

Is it really better to love and lose, than never love at all?

That still...the only person you can rely on is yourself.

I can't rely on the people I thought I could...I only know I can rely on myself.

(Sidenote: don't freak out. This blog isn't about Ryan and I. We're good. We're actually pretting freakin' awesome. This is about another set of relationships in my life.)

Tying your self-worth, self-esteem...to the expectations of another only ever ends in pain. I can never live up to the expectations. I don't even want to anymore. I would rather disappear into the wilderness forever.

I am still so tired...tired of being let down by those I think are supposed to love me most. Actions speak louder than words...it's more than just a saying...because we all know it's true.

I grew up alone.

Aloneness is what I know best.

Why have I pretended anything otherwise?

Why have I spent so long deluding myself?

Have I learned anything?

Only not to never trust, and love with a guarded heart.

And that reality really bites.