Thursday, June 10, 2010

Water World...




Water World has to be one of my favorite places. For those of you who don't know, it is a large water park here in Denver. It's huge an beautiful and amazing...and I love it.

I worked there for three years--four if you count the summer that I worked on a film that was shot there. I was a lifeguard, and I loved being a lifeguard. Besides the fact that I got paid to tan and swim, it was nice to feel like I was a part of something--it was nice to feel like I was important, because I helped save lives.

Water World holds such a special place in my heart--we share a long history....

I remember visiting Water World as a kid. The place was so big--and there was so much to do! Our parents even let us roam around on our own...so we could cause at least a little mischief.

My brothers were the first to work there. One lifeguarded while another started in concessions. I think the next year they were both lifeguards. But I would have to drive them sometimes, and I remember dropping one off, then deciding to drive to Wyoming for the day, then come back and pick him up. This is when I was still working at the library....

Finally, someone convinced me it would be a good idea for me to lifeguard too. So I applied, trained, bought the most conservative uniform (with shorts) and went for it. It was a summer of self-discovery...also the summer I would meet my future (ex)husband.

That first summer was really when I started to look at myself as a person...as someone within this skin that God had given me...as someone separate from my family, my friends, my boyfriend. I went from wearing a one piece uniform with shorts to a lifeguard bikini....and a tan to match! The shift exemplified how I had come to accept myself a little more...as a person within, but separate from the world. It was also the summer I stopped cutting.

The first summer was so...interesting. I felt awkward and powerful all at the same time. There was so much to learn--and so many mistakes to make...but it was all under the sunshine, which somehow made it all better.

I got engaged the first summer....it was somewhere in the middle....I was young...17. The ring was made of bamboo and from Cambodia....but the boy was not for me. He was gone all summer, and it took me a month and a half to realize that I was much happier when he was gone...and that's when I stopped cutting...and called off the engagement.

I still remember the day...the day I met him. He was tall, dark and handsome...he made me laugh. He wore white shoes, white socks, a blue patterned Hawaiian shirt, dark blue shorts, a dark blue cap, sunglasses and a fanny pack. He was expressive and full of smiles...

We worked at the same place again a few days later--he helped me put up my umbrella first thing in the morning because I was too short. At the end of the day, he asked for my email. Within a week, we were a couple.

The next summer, I worked at Water World again. We were still a couple--he worked there as well. We caused some trouble, some scandal--all with no effort. I remember the frustration, and wishing that everyone would just grow up...this was the summer I learned not to trust college boys...because of a group of them, I cut my foot open to the bone on one side...

The third summer was worse...and my brother broke his ankle that year. It was another summer of movie-worthy young love romance....and not much else.

It was a couple years before I was back to work on that film...we only filmed for a month, but it was a very, very long month. There were days and days and days of getting to Water World an hour before sunrise...herding people around like cats, mind reading and playing games....trying to be anything and everything to make everyone happy. This was the summer I got dragged behind a golf cart for about 10 feet or so...and spent the rest of the day doing my job-so well that my boss had no idea. I worked so hard that summer, just trying to make everyone happy...and that never works. But I have so many memories...including trying to surf on Thunder Bay...on a real surfboard. It was amazing.

When I got engaged again, I strongly considered getting married at Water World--especially since we had met there. We settled for having our engagement pictures done there...

The summer I had wrist surgery....I got a season pass to Water World. The days that I was not working as a nanny I spent laying out by the lazy river or wading around the bay, holding my arm up high so it wouldn't get wet...

Today was the first time I have been to Water World since the divorce. So much has changed....but all the memories remain. Every spot.....every ride has a memory tied to my ex in some way. A stolen kiss, a ride together, a fight....love at first sight....

It was easier than I thought it be. Maybe that's because I was distracted by the kids, but I think it's because I feel right....

I stood in Thunder Bay today, and just looked around at all the history. I could see the spot when I first met him, the new smoothie bar that was created as a result of the movie, the paths we walked...all the shared moments. But as the water rushed over and around me...I just felt free. I am no longer a slave to those moments. They are a part of who I am, but they no longer define who I am. I am no longer "so and so's girlfriend" or "wife," I am just....Lisa. Just a girl...in the world...in the water...counting as the lifeguards scan...watching as children duck under waves...smiling as the sun warms my shoulders...

I am free....the feeling of the water rushing over my skin reminds me that all that was lost is washed away...and all that is left is the feeling of newness...cleanliness.

Freedom.

I love Water World...and I am so glad that I have a season pass this year. We are going to have some wonderful moments this summer...just the two of us.


Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Koi




I have missed my Koi friends! Today I got to sit out by the pond and enjoy their company.

I have named them all--well, most of them. Fatty is my favorite...he will swim right up to me if the water level is high enough, and I can just drop a piece of bread in right beneath my toes, and he'll swim up and gulp it down...it's amazing to watch...

And yet--I am always reminded that somewhere out there...is my ipod. Oh...I am the most graceful...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Defying Gravity...




from Wicked

I hope you're happy.
I hope you're happy now.
I hope you're happy how you hurt your cause forever,
I hope you think you're clever.

I hope you're happy.
I hope you're happy too.
I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission,
To feed your own ambition.

So though I can't imagine how,
But I hope you're happy right now.

Elphie, listen to me,
Just say you're sorry...
You can still be with the wizard,
What you've worked and waited for...
You can have all you ever wanted...

I know, but I don't want it, no--
I can't want it anymore.

Something has changed within me,
Something is not the same.
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of some else's game.
Too late for second guessing,
Too late to go back to sleep.
It's time to trust my instincts,
Close my eyes, and leap.

It's time to try defying gravity,
I think I'll try defying gravity,
And you can't pull me down.

Can't I make you understand,
You're having delusions of grandeur?

I'm through accepting limits,
'Cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change,
But 'til I try I'll never know.
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love--I guess I've lost...
Well if that's love it comes at much too high a cost.

And still I try defying gravity,
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity.
And you can't pull me down.

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do, together.
Unlimited.
Together, we're unlimited.
Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been.
Glinda, dreams the way we planned them,
If we work in tandem.
There's no fight we cannot win.

Just you and I defying gravity.
With you and I, defying gravity,
They'll never bring us down.

Well, are you coming?

I hope you're happy,
Now that you're choosing this.

You too, I hope it brings you bliss.
I really hope you get it,
And you don't live to regret it.

I hope you're happy in the end.
I hope you're happy, my friend.

So if you care to find me,
Look to the western sky.
As someone told me lately,
Everyone deserves a chance to fly.
And if I'm flying solo,
At least I'm flying free--
To those who ground me,
Take a message back from me...
Tell them how I am defying gravity,
I'm flying high defying gravity.
And soon I'll match them in renown,
And nobody in all of Oz,
No wizard that there is or was,
Is ever gonna bring me down.

I hope you're happy...

And you can't bring me down.
_________________________

The kids and I had a crafting day today, and while we were crafting we played some music videos. For some reason, I chose to play this song...I am not sure why...but I am glad I did.

As a general rule...I don't like musicals. Every once in a great while I might enjoy one--or a song from one. And this song is one I really love...

I just got to thinking about the lyrics...and about the freedom that I have been feeling lately.

I had all I ever thought I wanted...but I don't want it anymore. I am learning what it means to not follow everyone else's rules...what it means to push the limits and to push myself. I am learning what it means to trust myself--to trust that gut feeling...to stop trusting the world so much when I should trust myself more. What it means to be more than I ever thought possible for myself...I may not be able to change the world--but I can at least try.

So often I have been afraid of losing out on love...on losing love. And it's true--I lost. I lost it all...myself, my heart, my faith, my mind. I felt lost....for so long. But now....I think that I have a much better idea of what love is....love is foolish--but I still might try it sometime...someday...

Someday maybe I will find someone who will want to shoot for the moon too. Maybe there's someone else who wants to fly higher then they ever thought possible....until then--if I'm flying solo, at least I am flying free...

So...if you can't find me--look up among the stars. I'll be there--defying gravity.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Friendship...




Today, I was just enthralled with the idea of friendship...and with having wonderful friends.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

More than 24 hours...




Sometimes I wish that there were more than 24 hours ini a day...like, a 36 hour day would be awesome!

I have been so crazy busy lately....but it's not because of work. It's a weird feeling--but I like it a lot. I am busy running around with friends, hiking, climbing--being alive! I love it.

But it does mean that my blog has been neglected of late....but I will get better at juggling life, and then I will be back to posting all the crazy things in my head.

But not right now, of course. Time to finish working, then time for a beautiful summer day picnic with my friends!!

Life is good....so so good.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

More Goodbyes...




Yet more...and more to come.

It's going to be so difficult....saying goodbye to everything....and everyone.

But with as difficult as it all sounds, I have no hesitation about leaving....I know I must go. With a head full of memories, and a heart full of love...my feet will set out on my new adventure....so soon....

Friday, June 4, 2010

Children...




Today the kids and I went to the museum, and afterward they played in the fountain outside.

It was so amazing to sit and watch all of the children play...I laughed and laughed, smiled and giggled.

I had forgotten the joy of childhood...the freedom of laughter.

I hope I never forget again.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Climbing...




I love rock climbing. I love bouldering. I love spelunking.

For the summer, I have two jobs. One is stitching, and the other is being a nanny for two kids. I have been a nanny before for these two, and I was a bit worried about watching them again. The last summer I watched them, all they wanted to do was sit inside and play video games or watch tv. So, I was worried that this summer would be the same...when all I want to do is be outside.

Fortunately, that is not the case! I took the kids rock climbing tomorrow, and they loved it. They loved it so much they want to climb 2 days a week...which is awesome in my book.

I hope that I can instill in them the same love and respect for climbing that I have...so they too can enjoy the strength and freedom it has to offer.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Too much...


There are some days that everything altogether is just too much. Having to say goodbye so often...

The baggage just keeps piling up sometimes...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Stars and Mangoes...


...what a perfect combination...

...even better with a sunrise...